Scorecard

Cheriton Fitzpaine v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 03 Jul 2005 at 2pm
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 70 runs

Match report This is the first of no fewer than 3 reports on this game; it's written by Ed Thomas. It's not known who wrote the second (below the first), though it may be Ed again. The third account is supplied by Cheriton, on their website: http://cfcc.soright.co.uk/match/2073/erratics-3-jul-2005 though they may have deleted the narrative element.

From: Ed Thomas Maximus...

This year is the 50th in which cricket has been played at Hayne, but a chance discovery of a papyrus letter from the otherwise unknown Roman M. Plinius Secundus, Governor of Britain (an obscurer relative of the more famous C. Plinius Secundus), reveals that the game may have had a far longer history. It might even provide the earliest documentation of the noble game’s existence on these shores. At special request, therefore, is attached to this match report the report of M. Plinius Secundus to the Emperor Trajan on the strange game played by these native Britons.

To the Emperor Trajan, some time around AD 105.

I have looked aound Isca, Sir, in search of a possible site for the new public baths for which you have graciously given your permission, and chosen one which is occupied at present by nothing more than a rectangular precinct of grass, a few miles below the hill-fort of king Cada, which is at present admired only by an audience of grazing cattle.

This is where the natives of this place hold their most peculiar ritual battles, which cause witnesses great wonderment, but entirely lack the sophistication or discipline of our proud and magnificent, disciplined Roman armies. I have never seen this ritual battle performed myself, and, for the details which I give here in the following account, I rely on the evidence of others.

The battle – or perhaps it is more proper to call it a ceremony – begins with the arrival of two men in white robes advancing to the centre of the precinct and fixing in place six wooden posts, as if to mark out the sacred territory to be fought over, three at each end of a narrow strip of grass. I assume that this strip must lie above some spring of sacred water, as, when a ball was dropped onto its surface, it failed to bounce more than a few inches. For the rest of the activity, these two men do little more than raise their hands in a series of gestures; they might be considered priests, except that one of their gestures would be easily mistaken in our native Italy for a very coarse and impolite gesture and is clearly taken with offence by those at whom it is aimed, for, with good Roman severity, they walk away in disgust and refuse to take any more part in the action.

One tribe is composed of eleven men in immaculate white tunics (some distinguished, like our senators, by stripes of purple and other colours), who take up positions around the two sets of sticks; many of them wear helmets, but only one wears armour on his legs. Then two warriors from the opposing tribe arrive, wielding heavy wooden clubs. But these are pale imitations of Hercules, for they are easily assaulted by warriors of the opposing tribe with small red missiles, charging in alternately from opposite ends of the battlefield, and the man wearing armour on his legs accompanies this bombardment with loud and belligerent battle-cries, especially each time that the missile hits the opposing warriors on their own armour.

The two Hercules’ most effective means of resistance to this policy of bombardment is to use their clubs to dispatch the missiles beyond the level grassy area into a rougher patch of ground with thistles, since this caused several of the other tribe to leave the battlefield and vainly look for the missiles in the long grass, often returning with their fingers unhappily polluted by the animal excrement that lies abundantly in these parts. Their faces of disgust suggest that this is indeed a most effective strategy.

I need not trouble your Majesty’s patience or insult His imagination by lingering on this most barbaric battle scene, except to say that they cannot possibly offer any serious threat to the mighty Roman legions. Indeed, in the middle of the battle they fill themselves up with a great feast of sweet cakes and pastries, thus rendering themselves entirely enfeebled, and they celebrate their victories by drinking large quantities of barley mead.

(With apologies to Penguin Classics, The Letters of Pliny the Younger, translated by Betty Radice)


"We need to win," Captain Cook declared, explaining his decision to put the opposition in on a placid pitch in the bucolic surrounds of Hayne, a ground where "Cow Corner" seems unusually aptly named.

Was the Captain seduced by this bucolic idyll, a place which former Erratic Geoff Fox described as "perhaps the most escapist of the numerous fantasies which make up an Erratics season", where men not only "retreat from the business of the world, [but] also have nothing to do with the game of cricket as it is known in the rest of the English-speaking world" (see The Erratics Fifty not out, p. 102).


Erratics versus Cheriton Fitzpaine, Cheriton,
Sunday 3rd July
This year is the 50th in which cricket has been played at Hayne, but a chance discovery of a papyrus letter from the otherwise unknown Roman M. Plinius Secundus, Governor of Britain (an obscurer relative of the more famous C. Plinius Secundus), reveals that the game may have had a far longer history. It might even provide the earliest documentation of the noble game’s existence on these shores. At special request, therefore, is attached to this match report the report of M. Plinius Secundus to the Emperor Trajan on the strange game played by these native Britons.
To the Emperor Trajan, some time around AD 105

I have looked aound Isca, Sir, in search of a possible site for the new public baths for which you have graciously given your permission, and chosen one which is occupied at present by nothing more than a rectangular precinct of grass, a few miles below the hill-fort of king Cada, which is at present admired only by an audience of grazing cattle.

This is where the natives of this place hold their most peculiar ritual battles, which cause witnesses great wonderment, but entirely lack the sophistication or discipline of our proud and magnificent, disciplined Roman armies. I have never seen this ritual battle performed myself, and, for the details which I give here in the following account, I rely on the evidence of others.

The battle – or perhaps it is more proper to call it a ceremony – begins with the arrival of two men in white robes advancing to the centre of the precinct and fixing in place six wooden posts, as if to mark out the sacred territory to be fought over, three at each end of a narrow strip of grass. I assume that this strip must lie above some spring of sacred water, as, when a ball was dropped onto its surface, it failed to bounce more than a few inches. For the rest of the activity, these two men do little more than raise their hands in a series of gestures; they might be considered priests, except that one of their gestures would be easily mistaken in our native Italy for a very coarse and impolite gesture and is clearly taken with offence by those at whom it is aimed, for, with good Roman severity, they walk away in disgust and refuse to take any more part in the action.

One tribe is composed of eleven men in immaculate white tunics (some distinguished, like our senators, by stripes of purple and other colours), who take up positions around the two sets of sticks; many of them wear helmets, but only one wears armour on his legs. Then two warriors from the opposing tribe arrive, wielding heavy wooden clubs. But these are pale imitations of Hercules, for they are easily assaulted by warriors of the opposing tribe with small red missiles, charging in alternately from opposite ends of the battlefield, and the man wearing armour on his legs accompanies this bombardment with loud and belligerent battle-cries, especially each time that the missile hits the opposing warriors on their own armour.

The two Hercules’ most effective means of resistance to this policy of bombardment is to use their clubs to dispatch the missiles beyond the level grassy area into a rougher patch of ground with thistles, since this caused several of the other tribe to leave the battlefield and vainly look for the missiles in the long grass, often returning with their fingers unhappily polluted by the animal excrement that lies abundantly in these parts. Their faces of disgust suggest that this is indeed a most effective strategy.

I need not trouble your Majesty’s patience or insult His imagination by lingering on this most barbaric battle scene, except to say that they cannot possibly offer any serious threat to the mighty Roman legions. Indeed, in the middle of the battle they fill themselves up with a great feast of sweet cakes and pastries, thus rendering themselves entirely enfeebled, and they celebrate their victories by drinking large quantities of barley mead.

(With apologies to Penguin Classics, The Letters of Pliny the Younger, translated by Betty Radice)

The match report proper (possibly also by Ed Thomas)

"We need to win," Captain Cook declared, explaining his decision to put the opposition in on a placid pitch in the bucolic surrounds of Hayne, a ground where "Cow Corner" seems unusually aptly named.

Was the Captain seduced by this bucolic idyll, a place which former Erratic Geoff Fox described as "perhaps the most escapist of the numerous fantasies which make up an Erratics season", where men not only "retreat from the business of the world, [but] also have nothing to do with the game of cricket as it is known in the rest of the English-speaking world" (see The Erratics Fifty not out, p. 102).

The cattle soon retreated to a safer haven after the captain’s endeavour to open the bowling with Thomas and Orpen soon woke them up from their bovine slumbers with a torrent of red leather missiles into the thistles. The bowling choice, at first surprising, soon proved inspired, as Blight was bowled by Orpen in his opening over. Erased seemed to be the memories of that dramatic July day thirty years ago when the Erratics first came to Hayne, when Blight, Carr and company demolished the Erratics for 42 and were themselves reduced to 35 for 9 before their number 11, Carr, struck two fours to snatch victory.

The loss of Cheriton’s Blight, however, became the Erratics’ own affliction as the opening bowlers’ figures were rudely disfigured by an assault that almost mirrored that of Gilchrist and Hayden on the English attack the previous day. Order was restored again, this time through a controlled spell of bowling by Cook and Berry, and a series of strident, highly plausible, but ultimately unpersuasive LBW appeals against Cutler and Sheldrick, orchestrated by Mileham behind the stumps, caused some bemusement about what it would take to convince the unyielding umpires to raise a finger.


Erratics versus Cheriton Fitzpaine, Cheriton,
Sunday 3rd July
This year is the 50th in which cricket has been played at Hayne, but a chance discovery of a papyrus letter from the otherwise unknown Roman M. Plinius Secundus, Governor of Britain (an obscurer relative of the more famous C. Plinius Secundus), reveals that the game may have had a far longer history. It might even provide the earliest documentation of the noble game’s existence on these shores. At special request, therefore, is attached to this match report the report of M. Plinius Secundus to the Emperor Trajan on the strange game played by these native Britons.
To the Emperor Trajan, some time around AD 105

I have looked aound Isca, Sir, in search of a possible site for the new public baths for which you have graciously given your permission, and chosen one which is occupied at present by nothing more than a rectangular precinct of grass, a few miles below the hill-fort of king Cada, which is at present admired only by an audience of grazing cattle.

This is where the natives of this place hold their most peculiar ritual battles, which cause witnesses great wonderment, but entirely lack the sophistication or discipline of our proud and magnificent, disciplined Roman armies. I have never seen this ritual battle performed myself, and, for the details which I give here in the following account, I rely on the evidence of others.

The battle – or perhaps it is more proper to call it a ceremony – begins with the arrival of two men in white robes advancing to the centre of the precinct and fixing in place six wooden posts, as if to mark out the sacred territory to be fought over, three at each end of a narrow strip of grass. I assume that this strip must lie above some spring of sacred water, as, when a ball was dropped onto its surface, it failed to bounce more than a few inches. For the rest of the activity, these two men do little more than raise their hands in a series of gestures; they might be considered priests, except that one of their gestures would be easily mistaken in our native Italy for a very coarse and impolite gesture and is clearly taken with offence by those at whom it is aimed, for, with good Roman severity, they walk away in disgust and refuse to take any more part in the action.

One tribe is composed of eleven men in immaculate white tunics (some distinguished, like our senators, by stripes of purple and other colours), who take up positions around the two sets of sticks; many of them wear helmets, but only one wears armour on his legs. Then two warriors from the opposing tribe arrive, wielding heavy wooden clubs. But these are pale imitations of Hercules, for they are easily assaulted by warriors of the opposing tribe with small red missiles, charging in alternately from opposite ends of the battlefield, and the man wearing armour on his legs accompanies this bombardment with loud and belligerent battle-cries, especially each time that the missile hits the opposing warriors on their own armour.

The two Hercules’ most effective means of resistance to this policy of bombardment is to use their clubs to dispatch the missiles beyond the level grassy area into a rougher patch of ground with thistles, since this caused several of the other tribe to leave the battlefield and vainly look for the missiles in the long grass, often returning with their fingers unhappily polluted by the animal excrement that lies abundantly in these parts. Their faces of disgust suggest that this is indeed a most effective strategy.

I need not trouble your Majesty’s patience or insult His imagination by lingering on this most barbaric battle scene, except to say that they cannot possibly offer any serious threat to the mighty Roman legions. Indeed, in the middle of the battle they fill themselves up with a great feast of sweet cakes and pastries, thus rendering themselves entirely enfeebled, and they celebrate their victories by drinking large quantities of barley mead.

(With apologies to Penguin Classics, The Letters of Pliny the Younger, translated by Betty Radice)

"We need to win," Captain Cook declared, explaining his decision to put the opposition in on a placid pitch in the bucolic surrounds of Hayne, a ground where "Cow Corner" seems unusually aptly named.
Was the Captain seduced by this bucolic idyll, a place which former Erratic Geoff Fox described as "perhaps the most escapist of the numerous fantasies which make up an Erratics season", where men not only "retreat from the business of the world, [but] also have nothing to do with the game of cricket as it is known in the rest of the English-speaking world" (see The Erratics Fifty not out, p. 102).
Match summary:

Cheriton Fitzpaine 209-6 (40 overs)
(Cook 3-32, Burrows 2-18, Orpen 1-17)

Erratics 139 all out
(Orpen 26, Cook 24, Burrows 17, Weiler 17)

Cheriton Fitzpaine won by 70 runs.

The cattle soon retreated to a safer haven after the captain’s endeavour to open the bowling with Thomas and Orpen soon woke them up from their bovine slumbers with a torrent of red leather missiles into the thistles. The bowling choice, at first surprising, soon proved inspired, as Blight was bowled by Orpen in his opening over. Erased seemed to be the memories of that dramatic July day thirty years ago when the Erratics first came to Hayne, when Blight, Carr and company demolished the Erratics for 42 and were themselves reduced to 35 for 9 before their number 11, Carr, struck two fours to snatch victory.

The loss of Cheriton’s Blight, however, became the Erratics’ own affliction as the opening bowlers’ figures were rudely disfigured by an assault that almost mirrored that of Gilchrist and Hayden on the English attack the previous day. Order was restored again, this time through a controlled spell of bowling by Cook and Berry, and a series of strident, highly plausible, but ultimately unpersuasive LBW appeals against Cutler and Sheldrick, orchestrated by Mileham behind the stumps, caused some bemusement about what it would take to convince the unyielding umpires to raise a finger.

But finally Burrows, introduced to perform the Allan Donald mid-innings holding role, made the breakthrough, producing a thick edge from Sheldrick which was well held by Mileham and could not be ignored by even the most stubborn of umpires. Burrows’ probing and disciplined spell in the middle of the Cheriton innings produced another wicket and kept the Cheriton scoring to manageable proportions. Meanwhile, though, Cutler was patiently building his innings and with the support of his captain Heard was able to use the wickets in hand to launch a sustained attack on the ground’s diminutive boundaries.

Weiler, Power, and others spent a frustrating afternoon leap-frogging the styles and searching for cricket balls buried in bovine deposits. Cook returned to take a three wickets in his final spell, two in successive balls, including Cutler for 89, caught out of his ground by an alert Mileham, completing a fine display behind the stumps. But the damage was already done, and Cheriton’s total of 209 for 6 seemed 30 or 40 too many, given the slowness of the pitch.

A sumptuous tea, richly provided with a variety of sponge cakes and chocolate muffins with coloured sequins, and a change in the weather, from bright sunshine to cloudy humidity, both played their part in contributing to the difficulty of the run-chase, together with keen fielding by the home team. When Carpenter soon holed out at cover point for 5, caught by Blight off the bowling of Tricks, Erratics might have been forgiven for thinking that conditions were against them. A breezy 15 by Mileham was unluckily ended when he dragged the ball onto his stumps, and Power’s brief array of big hitting was ended by an umpiring zeal which contrasted with the somewhat lacklustre performance of the first innings (caveat auctor).

Cook and Weiler both rose to the challenge offered by the gentle pace of the Cheriton bowlers, but both perished alike to well-taken catches in the outfield (even if that might have been the in-field on another ground...).

Stout and brave resistance was offered by Orpen; after Heard accounted for Berry and both Pearsons, David nobly refusing to outscore his father, he was ably assisted in rearguard defence by Burrows: the former’s bullish pulls through midwicket to a now-deserted cow corner were perfectly complemented by the latter’s elegant flair for square cuts.

For some minutes Erratics could dream of achieving even the target of two runs a ball which faced them in the last six overs. But Orpen finally held his head just too high and was clean bowled, a fourth victim of the Cheriton captain. Cheriton then seemed to go, quite literally, for the jugular, with Cutler brought on to bowl high full-tosses at the Erratics’ final pairing. Burrows was undeterred and, in his courageous determination to face this bodyline directly, was run out going for an impossible second run. If he had only read Geoff Fox’s match report of 1984 (reprinted in Fifty not out), he would have known how scarce twos are at Hayne: "only one corner of the field yields such a reward, and then only if the ball is struck with measured weight".

True bowling talents were revealed in the skittles alley of the village pub, but by then most had dispersed and Cheriton had already claimed their well-deserved victory.




Cheriton Fitzpaine Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
8w 8b 4lb 
for 6 wickets
20
209 (40.0 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ed Thomas4.002600.006.50
Simon Orpen3.0021121.007.00
Chris Cook8.0235311.674.38
Steve Berry7.002800.004.00
James Burrows8.0223211.502.88
Phil Power8.014300.005.37
David Pearson2.003000.0015.00

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
extras
TOTAL :
8nb 7w 1b 2lb 
for 10 wickets
18
139		        
Brian Carpenter Caught  5
Tim Mileham Bowled  15
Phil Power Lbw  12
Chris Cook Caught  24
Martin Weiler Caught  17
Steve Berry Bowled  5
Simon Orpen Bowled  26
John Pearson Bowled  0
David Pearson Caught  0
James Burrows Run out  17
Ed Thomas Not Out  0

Cheriton Fitzpaine Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.