Scorecard

Branscombe v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Fri 03 May 2013 at 2.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 33 runs

Match report Martin Wright reports

A slow rush hour drive from Exeter to Branscombe, through a countryside festooned with UKIP posters. The traffic was probably augmented by a few UKIP stalwarts ambling back from a celebratory lunch of British beef and British beer, with a side order of British cauliflower. (Picked by Hungarian workers, served up by a Polish waitress, produced on farms kept afloat on a raft of EU subsidies, but hey…).

Twelve hours back in Devon from a long stint in India and the country seemed to have gone surreal in my absence: a late, amazingly sparkling spring, some bizarre politics, and, to cap it all, when I finally crawled into Branscombe, some idiosyncratic ground rules. At first we were told there were no LBWs, although this was later rescinded (apparently it was encouraging sloppy technique on the part of the club’s youth, some of whom saw a future in cricket beyond the confines of the valley… A bit like marrying out).

But one local rule held fast: no straight sixes. Clear that boundary, and you’re out – and not even six and out, either. Just plain, unforgiving out. Got that? Yes, Skip. Got it. No straight sixes from me today, no sirree. Message received and understood.

Skipper Cook won the toss, and we batted. The wicket could best be described as a touch on the sporting side, slow but with a tendency to rear up off a good length, with the occasional scuttle. Cook sent in Philips to open, alongside Your Correspondent. Several weeks’ of wall-to-wall IPL had a briefly unnerving effect on my normal approach to opening (a heady amalgam of the verve of a Boycott, the friskiness of a Tavare and the talent of a Tufnell), to the extent that the first ball was brusquely dismissed for four. With the third disappearing for five wides, we found ourselves hurtling along at a scoring rate of 450.00 – eat your heart out, Chris ‘Slowcoach’ Gayle.

It wasn’t to last. Your Correspondent quickly regained his inner Englishman (Farage, be proud) and Philips too injected a note of sobriety into proceedings with some solid forward presses. For a while we were both pinned down; and were it not for some frisky byes – showing a little more flair than our batting – we’d have stalled. Philiips was cruelly dispatched after being called through for a short single to square leg, where a Branscombe colt was lurking. “Sorry, Mark, thought I was running to the danger end”, I lied.

At this point Branscombe cannily made use of their local rules. Never in four decades of batting have I seen a half volley so full, so juicy, so full of luscious promise as that which the wily bowler then delivered, wrapped in pink ribbon with a label reading ‘take me’. And never have I connected so cleanly, so sweetly…never has a shot felt so very right – yet like all doomed love affairs, been so wrong. It soared into the stream, and I was dead in the water. Six, or rather nowt, and out.

Two down, and Kirby joined Clarke at the crease. He was soon unfurling his trademark laps and, refusing to be tempted by the fuller ball, bringing the bat down and through, sending it past mid off along the ground to the boundary. Clarke laced a couple of elegant drives, and was then undone by one of Branscombe’s impressive colts.

45-3 off nine. At this rate we’d barely make 100.

That brought Captain Cook to the wicket, in appropriately impatient mood. He pulled his first ball straight to square leg, who obligingly spilled it, then sent the next one screaming past him to the boundary. He had a reprieve when he lobbed a dolly to mid-off, only to see it put down by the male half of a husband and wife partnership – who later took two stinging catches off wholly unrelated bowlers in the deep. Doubtless another domestic, Sarge…

Kirby mixed lapped fours with scampered singles, and Cook struck the shot of the day, leaning into an almost impossibly elegant on drive for four. Kirby even had the confidence, tempered by self-restraint, to loft successive drives over mid off, one bounce to the boundary.

78-3 off 14.

Cook swept a full ball gloriously over the pavilion and down the lane – a permitted six – then crunched a pull straight into the hands of mid wicket, to end a brisk innings of 22. Kirby’s fine knock ended on 25 with compulsory retirement, and then Oughton and Prosser found themselves tied down by some tight bowling. Prosser tried to launch his way out of trouble and was spectacularly caught, one handed. Enter McQueen, on his first game back since 2000 or so, and he and Oughton scampered with intent for a couple of overs. Oughton played his characteristic… punch? clump? shonk?… through extra cover a couple of times, then walked out to one, missed, and diverted his steps towards the pavilion as the keeper took the bails off.

96-6 off 19.

Debutant Gourlay fell to an evil dummy from McQueen, who ran a single, slipped, and crashed to the ground, leaving his partner stranded en route for a second. Gourlay froze mid-pitch in obvious shock as the sheer injustice of it all, giving the keeper time to miss the return, pick it up, fumble it, check the election results, have a cup of tea and a sly cigarette, and eventually gather the ball and remove a bail.

Haynes drove a couple, and Erratics closed on a precarious 99-9.

With the sun sinking fast behind the hill, we turned around promptly. Any fears that the score might be 20 below par were put to bed by some seriously miserly bowling from, successively, Oughton (2-1-4-1), McQueen (an impressive return to the ranks with 2-0-5-2 -including an astonishing one-handed reaction catch off his own bowling), Haynes (2-0-6-2) and Gourlay (who put in the kind of debut to warm the hearts of weary Erratics with 2-0-4-1).

Branscombe’s woes were compounded by a couple of run outs, each the result of taking on Matt Cook’s arm – an act of cricketing foolishness of the first order.

After seven overs, the home team was listing badly, wallowing on 25-7.

They kindled a flicker of hope with some robust hitting from , including a straight six which, since it hit a post holding up the netting and rebounded onto the field, apparently counted as a valid blow (much to the harrumphing of Your Correspondent). But he fell victim to Sophie Florides (2-0-19-2), the first of two LBWs brought about by her impressively testing line. Father Clarke (2-0-8-1) joined the party with some nicely flicked variations in the general vicinity of off spin, including one beauty which cleaned up his victim’s middle stump, and Prosser’s two overs kept things tight. Skipper Cook was the meanest of them all, his variations in pace and bounce befuddling the batsman to the extent that his two overs cost just one run.

Branscombe gently expired on 70: a convincing victory won despite home advantage, and treated us to a generously fat tea in the village hall afterwards.

Next year, apparently, they plan to rotate the wicket through 90 degrees, so allowing straight sixes. But in that case, will they serve me up a half volley quite so alluring, so temptingly voluptuous, so full of flowery promise, again?

Doubt it.

[AN Other was Andrew Gourlay]

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 7 wickets
0
99		        
Martin Wright retired out Hit out of grounds 11
Mark Phillips Run out  1
Guy Clarke Caught  9
Jonathan Kirby Retired Not Out  25
Matt Cook Caught  22
Dominic Prosser Caught  1
Gareth Oughton Stumped  4
Greg MacQueen Not Out  5
A.N. Other Run out  0
Jeff Haynes Not Out  2
Sophie Florides  

Branscombe Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Branscombe Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 10 wickets
0
66 (15.2 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Gareth Oughton2.01414.002.00
Greg MacQueen1.20522.503.75
Jeff Haynes2.00623.003.00
A.N. Other2.00414.002.00
Sophie Florides2.001929.509.50
Dominic Prosser2.001000.005.00
Guy Clarke2.00818.004.00
Matt Cook2.01100.000.50