Cheriton Fitzpaine v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sat 29 Apr 2023 at 2.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 34 Runs

Match report Erratics vs Cheriton Fitzpaine / Saturday 29th April
Report by BYB

There's a word for what happened at Cheriton Fitzpaine CC on Saturday 29th April, an afternoon when the Erratics didn't so much pluck defeat from the jaws of victory as winch it half-digested from the duodenum thereof. What is that word? Mignomimious? Pigverminious? Ignobilious? Something like that.

So: the Erratics won the toss and fielded first. The pitch was slow and not dry. BYB thought he spotted a newt but he may have been hallucinating as a result of painkillers taken to ease his toothache. It was probably a frog.

Anuj opened the bowling down the hill and quickly found a line and length. He was bowling off a shortened run-up, but (as is his custom) made up for the loss of physical exercise by also sprinting back to the start of his run-up. Any surplus vigour is emitted in a sort of cheery grunt at the moment of release. There is something almost cruel in this performance of youthful energy. He was very unlucky not to get a wicket, but his seven overs went for only 15 runs.

At the other end Krups was perhaps a shade more erratic, though there were plenty of zingers. And even the wides and long hops were delivered with a perfect seam position.

After 10 overs Cheriton had reached 40 without loss – an impressive rate given the lush and decelerative properties of the outfield. Captain Duncan brought on the spinners: BYB bowling leggies down the hill, Fraser Chave offies up the hill. It wasn't long – it's never long – before Fraser struck, dismissing CF's no. 2, left-hander Brent, with Martin Wright holding a catch on a day when seven others were dropped. (What *is* that word?) 'Why can't all batsmen be left-handed?' Fraser was heard to cry. Perhaps one of his geneticist team-mates can help him out with an answer.

On Cheriton trundled to 84 for 1 before Fraser struck again, this time clean bowling their best batsman. Meanwhile catches continued to be dropped with blithe disregard for whether they were difficult or else very easy. Duncan dropped two very difficult ones; BYB dropped a medium-to-easy one (though he cunningly contrived to make it look difficult by hurling himself into the mud); Fraser dropped a very easy one but then instantly made up for it by running the batsman out. There were other perpetrators (Martin? Anuj?). Memory mercifully doesn't serve.

After a tidy spell from Jim Thomson and a marginally - no, much - less tidy one from John Curtis (with, I should say, extremely tidy wicket-keeping throughout from Grant) Cheriton had reached a total of 144 from their 35 overs. With the depth of quality (or so we thought: bitter memory!) in the Erratics' batting line-up, it seemed an eminently achievable – though tidy – target.

Tea was glorious (thank you Cheriton!) and washed down with some very powerful, possibly undiluted squash that either put hairs on chests or stripped them bare or perhaps both. This beverage may explain the higher levels of hirsuteness - I don't say manliness - of the Cheriton team.

But I digress.

The Erratics innings got underway with openers Chris 'twinkletoes' Ferro and Martin '2 wrongs don't make a' Wright making things look easy. After 13 overs the scoreboard showed 43 for no wicket. An aura of confidence visible from one of Elon's satellites glowed from the pavilion, where at least seven self-proclaimed Erratics 'batsmen' slumbered in post-prandial complacency.

Then, a blip: Wright fell LBW to Carter. Still, nothing to panic about, and indeed the slumbering Erratics barely stirred as Grant strode to the crease and began to do his thing. That thing being to strike mighty boundaries. At the other end Ferro worked the ball elegantly between the gaps in the field, which is his thing. Nothing augured what was to come. No thunder rumbled, no lightning flashed, no eagle dropped a writhing serpent from the mid-Devon skies.

Another blip: Grant was bowled by a slower ball from Saunders. It was an excellent delivery, and all the more effective for coming just after a rank beamer. They're clever in Cheriton. Not sporting perhaps, but clever. Canny.

The score was now 90 for 2, leaving 55 to win off 12 overs. Ferro was firmly ensconced at the crease. He was joined by Hugh Sheridan. Neither man is known for his incorrigible recklessness. The skies stayed void of eagles, serpents, etc. The Erratics in the pavilion dozed on, barely bothering to pad up or even check whether they had brought any pads with them.

Painful as it is, we now arrive at the afternoon's rapid plunge into… iglobinny? Papua New Guinea? Albert Finney? 90 for 2 became 95 for 3 became 95 for 4, 5 and 6 became 110 all out. What happened? A slow and/or bounceless pitch played a part (Ferro, Krups, Chave Sr, BYB). Youthful exuberance played another (Anuj, Chave Jr). Intolerable excitement at the prospect of reaching 500 runs for the Erratics may have been a factor in Curtis's dismissal, though personally I doubt it. Certainly the Cheritonian bowlers kept things tight. Yet these explanations, whether individually or taken together, do not satisfy. No, the true reason is at once simpler and more mysterious. The ancient Greeks would have called it hubris, but what did they know?

Cheriton Fitzpaine Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
6nb 6w 1b 1lb 
for 4 wickets
144 (35.0 overs)
S Grossberg b  F Chave 50
B English ct  F Chave 13
N Feltham ct  B Yarde-Buller 20
D Saunders run out  (F Chave) 9
A Hartley Not Out  7
G Squire Not Out  32
N Guscott  
C White  
S Carter  
A Dale  

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Anuj Tiwari7.011500.002.14
Jayakrupakar Nallala6.003000.005.00
Ben Yarde-Buller7.0016116.002.29
Fraser Chave7.021527.502.14
John Curtis4.004400.0011.00
Jim Thomson4.002200.005.50

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
1nb 2w 1b  
for 10 wickets
Chris Ferro ct  Feltham 49 84 4 1 58.33
Martin Wright lbw  Carter 19 36 1 52.78 1
Lee Grant b  Saunders 20 23 2 86.96
Hugh Sheridan b  Dale 3 8 37.50
Jayakrupakar Nallala ct  Feltham 0 1 0
Fraser Chave b  Feltham 5 7 1 71.43 1
Duncan Chave ct  Dale 0 3 0 1
Anuj Tiwari Run out  0
Ben Yarde-Buller b  Feltham 10 10 2 100
John Curtis lbw  Dale 0 2 0
Jim Thomson Not Out  0 1 0

Cheriton Fitzpaine Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
N Guscott7.003200.004.57
S Carter7.0210110.001.43
D Saunders5.0028128.005.60
A Dale5.011735.673.40
N Feltham3.51942.252.35