Scorecard

Met Office v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Tue 12 May 2026 at 6.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 16 Runs

Match report George is using Anuj’s old cricket bag; he claims that several of the zips are broken. We were in the luggage rack on a train to Newton St Cyres, a request stop where the platform is only big enough to allow one train door to open. Stu Webster from the Met Office is also on the train, George recognises him from last year, we have not acknowledged each other. We walk from the station to the ground listing who is supposed to be playing, we’ve forgotten someone, Richard cycles up from behind, it was he we had forgotten.

We make it to the ground, Lee, Mark and Martin are already there. Stu greets them and opens the changing room opposite the one we usually use. George puts his rings in the bat holder of his bag; he says that his arms are long enough to retrieve them. I throw a ball for him for a bit. We realise that the changing room that Stu opened was opened for our benefit. It is smaller and darker than the other.

Mark Hailwood wins the toss and chooses to bat first, says that win or lose he just hopes we do it quickly. Mark Phillips sharpens a pencil on a brick wall. The Met Office now opt to use Play Cricket scoring on a tablet, I am not against it, but the lack of physical record concerns me. I am required to ask them who their wicketkeeper is, it is Stu Webster. I should have recognised him, but I didn’t know his name back then.

Bradley and Richard open together again. Discussions occur regarding whether they are the tallest ever opening pair. Duckworth and Lewis open the bowling. Discussions occur regarding the location of Stern. Bradley glides the first ball through backward point for four, Duckworth later finds Bradley’s outside edge, but it is another four. Duckworth is tall and has some pace and bounce, Lewis does not.

Jonathan has forgotten some equipment. He opts for the team box and enquires whether the team helmet looks silly perched on his huge head. Mark Hailwood also has a huge head, so they share.

Richard hits it through fielders rather than around them. Hits one into the away dugout at the far end of the ground, and then hits another into the home dugout, we are jubilant. Bradley hits it around the fielders rather than through them. He has a new stance involving a suggestive ankle movement. Mark Hailwood is turned on, says he looks like he’s offering himself on a street corner.

Bradley and Richard retire. Lee and I go for a bat. There are new bowlers too. Phil Hope bowls from the sun end, he appeals for one that has hit both my bat and glove, John Curtis says it pitched outside leg and was missing. Lee hits him down the ground. Nathan Creaser bowls from the playground end. He is faster and more northern than anyone else there. Lee hits him down the ground too.

Phil Hope is replaced by Jack Bartlett; we hit some singles and some boundaries. Nathan is getting frustrated, says sorry after bowling his fourth short ball in a row. It hits Lee in the clavicle. Lee hits him for six down the ground and retires. Nathan bowls another short ball that flies over Jonathan’s head, says he really isn’t meaning to do this. I top edge another short ball into my grill. I flounder until I can also retire.

Phil Hope is back on. Mark Hailwood says that he is their last hope. He bowls five wides and one legitimate ball in the over. The legitimate one looked quite wide too. Jonathan twirls one for four, Martin Weiler bunts one for four. Martin is bowled; the first wicket of the innings. We are 164 for 1 now. It would be our fourth highest opening partnership ever, if it hadn’t have involved six batters. Jonathan hits one down the ground for four. The innings is over.

Nathan Creaser and Jamie Mitchell open the batting. We bowl all from one end because of the sun. The best place to hit the ball is down the ground because no one can see it coming. John Curtis bowls the second over, it would have been more economical if every ball had been a wide. Jamie Mitchell plays too many defensive shots and so must be sacrificed. Nathan retires.

George bowls one that Jack Bartlett hits high, I move to the wrong place to catch it and so I don’t. We drop a few others. Kyle is our third man; he fields all the time. He rolls and throws one at the same time. I think that it is not surprising that he has a bad knee. John Curtis stops everything with his boot, but it could be the left or right boot.

Stuart Webster hits everything through mid-wicket. Adam Curtis flays everything through the off side. Lee bowls full and at the stumps, it turns out that is the best strategy. Stu Webster tries to hit one through mid-wicket and misses. He then goes off to catch a train. I stand on the boundary near the opposition; I wonder if they are saying mean things about us. They don’t say much.

Phil Hope is batting. He hits Kyle for four fours in a row. They are good balls, but they are also good shots. They need sixteen from the last over. Lee is swinging it though. Duckworth can’t hit any of them and the fourth one bowls him. Tomos Evans comes out to bat. He has been playing the game in a fashionable cream jumper. Lee bowls him first ball. Tomos returns to his team and says something about the disappointment of the day.

Eddie Bruce is the last batter, he needs to hit sixteen from one last ball, and it is also a hattrick ball. It hits his boot. The appeal is prolonged but unsuccessful. But crucially the ball didn’t race away for sixteen. We have now won a 20/20 in 2026. Lee texts Talma to say he was hit in his throat, she replies with ‘you really are a twat aren’t you’.

The Beer Engine is closed and so we all go home.

I go on the website to upload this match report. The random photo generator provides me with a picture of two strangers. On investigation it is Carl Knappett and Matthew Dyer, from a game twenty years ago. Kirby, Weiler and Curtis were playing that game, there is a picture of Martin with no trousers on.

Fraser Chave

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
6nb 14w 2b 6lb 
for 1 wickets
28
182		        
Bradley Causey Retired Not Out  30 20 6 150.0 1
Richard Lindsay Retired Not Out  33 21 6 157.14
Fraser Chave Retired Not Out  32 29 5 110.34
Lee Grant Retired Not Out  32 18 5 1 177.78
Jonathan Kirby Not Out  19 17 4 111.76
Martin Weiler Bowled  7 7 1 100
Kyle Wedgwood Not Out  1 3 33.33
George Mather  
Mark Hailwood  
John Curtis  
Mark Phillips  

Met Office Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
William Duckworth4.003900.009.75
Owen Lewis4.003300.008.25
Phil Hope4.004100.0010.25
Nathan Creaser4.002600.006.50
Jack Bartlett4.0035135.008.75

Met Office Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
16w 3b 2lb 
for 4 wickets
21
166 (20.0 overs)		     
Nathan Creaser Retired Not Out  31 13 4 2 238.46
Jamie Mitchell Run out  3 8 37.50
Jack Bartlett Retired Not Out  30 22 4 136.36
Stuart Webster b L Grant 22 23 1 95.65
Adam Curtis Retired Not Out  30 21 6 142.86
William Duckworth b L Grant 10 15 1 66.67
Phil Hope Not Out  19 9 3 211.11
Tomos Evans b L Grant 0 1 0
Eddie Bruce Not Out  0 1 0
J Darch  
Owen Lewis  

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Mark Hailwood4.002200.005.50
John Curtis1.002200.0022.00
Fraser Chave4.002700.006.75
George Mather4.003200.008.00
Lee Grant4.011234.003.00
Kyle Wedgwood3.004600.0015.33