Scorecard

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics v Ram Exiles on Sat 21 Jun 2025 at 1.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 23 Runs

Match report [After the author was asked to comment on the merit of two sweet options at tea]

SOCRATES: Greetings, Glaucon. I see you are faced with a choice between two delicious treats. What are they?

GLAUCON: Indeed, Socrates. I am contemplating the worthy homemade chocolate cake, and the noble shop-prepared glazed ring doughnut. Both possess their virtues, but I lack the wisdom to determine which is superior.

SOCRATES: Let us speak on the nature of these virtues, Glaucon. First, consider the homemade chocolate cake. What virtues might it embody?

GLAUCON: The cake is crafted with individual love and attention, Socrates. Each ingredient is meticulously chosen, and the process is executed with great care and devotion. The sponge is light and airy, and the buttercream has within it the very softness of the love of the gods.

SOCRATES: Ah, the love and attention bestowed upon the cake. Does this not reflect the virtue of PHILIA, the affectionate regard and friendship that binds individuals together?

GLAUCON: Yes, Socrates. The devotion and care in the cake indeed reflect the bonds of affection between us.

SOCRATES: Now, let us consider the shop-prepared glazed ring doughnut, perhaps from KRISPY KREME or DUNKIN DONUTS. What virtues might it possess?

GLAUCON: The doughnut is faithful and uniform. Its recipe has been perfected by many artisans over many years. It is accurate and true, like the very arrow of Artemis herself.

SOCRATES: The faithfulness and uniformity of the doughnut reflect the virtue of EPISTEME, the knowledge of its artisans. Does this not make the shop-prepared glazed ring doughnut a product of perfected knowledge?

GLAUCON: Yes, Socrates. The doughnut's ancient and sacred recipe is indeed a result of EPISTEME. But Socrates, if the cake has the virtue of PHILIA and the doughnut has the virtue of EPISTEME, which of these virtues is the superior?

SOCRATES: Just eat both of them, Glaucon.

Addenda:
Stokeinteignhead substitute Syam bowled very well indeed for little reward. To borrow an already-quite-tortured footballing cliché , "he's bowled those too well, if anything"; a teasing line that would have tempted better batters, but in the event was simply left alone or missed.

Good all-round performances from Dhruba and Duncan. Lee hit boundaries for fun.

Mark Phillips took an excellent catch. There was some good catching throughout, in fact; Hailwood off his own bowling, Fraser off mine (twice), the Ram Exile who took a difficult catch to dismiss Duncan at the boundary, before stepping over the rope, granting Duncan a six, a half-century, and a self-imposed retirement for being (Duncan implied) morally out. The Ram keeper had a less successful day.

It's galling to be hit to the ropes at the best of times; being hit to the ropes while a chorus of drinking buddies collectively bleat at you from the boundary ('The Rams') is worse. Imagine if life's other little indignities were accompanied by this. Your card is declined at the supermarket. Baaaa. You step in dog mess. Baaaa. You spill your pint all over yourself. Baaaa, baaaa, baaaa. Horrible.

Every caught wicket I have this year (admittedly not many) has gone to the hands of a Chave.

RAM: probably the best non-Beatles McCartney album?

Matt Hewson

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
4nb 18w 1b  
for 3 wickets
23
205		        
Duncan Chave Retired Not Out  55 70 5 3 78.57 1
Dhruba Jyoti Goswami b J Elwes 25 37 3 1 67.57
Hugh Sheridan Not Out  39 69 5 56.52
Lee Grant Retired Not Out  50 20 5 4 250.0
A.N. Other b K Jones 13 17 2 76.47
A.N. Other b J Elwes 0 1 0
Matthew Hewson  
Jonathan Kirby  
Fraser Chave   3
Mark Phillips   1
Mark Hailwood   1

Ram Exiles Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
M Jones4.00700.001.75
T Price6.013100.005.17
J Elwes7.0123211.503.29
K Jones5.0023123.004.60
P Squires5.002700.005.40
D Absalom4.003500.008.75
J Bradley3.003500.0011.67
P Carney1.002300.0023.00

Ram Exiles Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
4nb 14w 5b  
for 10 wickets
23
182 (33.2 overs)		     
P Squires ct M Hailwood 6 15 1 40.0
P Carney ct M Hailwood 7 24 29.17
R Holliday-Evans lbw D Goswami 26 48 4 54.17
A Dunbar ct M Hailwood 8 5 2 160.0
J Elwes ct M Hewson 17 20 2 85.00
K Jones ct D Chave 49 39 9 125.64
K Dickson ct M Hewson 5 4 1 125.00
T Price lbw M Hewson 12 12 1 1 100
D Absalom b D Chave 10 19 1 52.63
J Bradley Not Out  17 13 2 1 130.77
M Jones b D Chave 2 5 40.0

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Mark Hailwood5.021635.333.20
A.N. Other6.03900.001.50
Mark Phillips3.003000.0010.00
Matthew Hewson7.0046315.336.57
Dhruba Jyoti Goswami6.0228128.004.67
Duncan Chave3.202237.336.60
Jonathan Kirby3.002600.008.67