Scorecard

Marldon v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 16 Aug 2026 at 1.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 6 wickets

Match report The Unpredictable Game

The evening before our Marldon fixture, I was cooking spaghetti whilst listening to Craig Charles’ ‘Trunk of Funk’ on 6 Music, when I unexpectedly found myself beginning the match report. Erratics reports are posted so promptly these days that, knowing I had a busy week ahead, I suppose I wanted to (as they say) get ahead of the game.

And after all, I’ve played at Marldon many times before, and so it was already a dead cert that on arrival I’d encounter a loose assembly of Erratics in various states of inelegant undress beneath the young oaks that fringe the little ground nestled under the church.[1] Near-certain too that a couple of players (most likely Power and Perkin) would later languorously join that assembly from the Church House Inn, with its stunning Strawberry Gothic windows.

I also knew we’d all end up in the pub garden after the match, eating roast potatoes and gravy, because this much had been signalled in advance. And this being the summer of 2026, of equal certainty would be the warm, cloudless conditions, an outfield like glass, and a wicket the colour and texture of straw, having not seen a drop of water for several months, on which a batsman could therefore never feel set. My gut also told me (correctly, as it turned out) that, regardless of the toss result, we would bat first on that unpredictable straw-coloured wicket, and so would be hard pushed to know what a good score might look like, when taking into consideration the conditions and the peculiar local scoring restrictions: sixes are only possible if they are gun-barrel straight, (between the double flagged boundary markers), whereas aerial boundaries either side of the wicket count as a dot ball only, and if on the side of the houses, result in a warning, and for a second offence, dismissal.[2]

Happy to have set down my introduction and local rules well ahead of time, I now found myself short of fresh organs for haruspication (it was al pomodoro pasta) and so was suddenly stuck, unable to probe further into the future. How might the game pan out? Did Michel de Nostredame not once consider the probability of no-balls? Or the Delphic oracle foresee a bowling change?

Even their combined prophetic skills would have been hard-pushed to know that I would be asked by captain Fraser to open the innings with Nigel, but so it proved to be.

I was pleased with the way my innings began, with a few well-struck boundaries, but at the other end Nigel was having a miserable time, swishing his bat frustratedly at both short and length balls to very little effect, and between overs bemoaning to me his lack of form, concentration, timing and talent. He foresaw he’d be out soon. One of the many wonderful things about cricket is how this kind of scenario can so quickly flip on its head, for in my nonchalant confidence I played at a wide one that rose sharply and so top-edged it to a back-peddling slip, whilst Nigel took my dismissal as a cue to rediscover his mojo and, along with the incoming Perkin, to start timing balls to all parts of the boundary.

It remained though, as accurately divined, a track on which one could never feel completely set, both Jon and Nigel finding regular ducking and diving necessary, and despite this still being struck repeatedly on the torso.[3] But there were also full tosses aplenty, and the score began to gain momentum, although it was indeed hard to know what would be a good total, what with the scoring restrictions, lightning outfield, and unpredictable bounce - to which Jon eventually succumbed, pulling a shortish ball straight up in the air. Nigel was joined by our mystically yellow-helmeted captain, who proved exceptionally good at timing his drives directly at extra cover, a frustration compounded by Jon now returning to the field for a stint as fielding sub and saving a host of boundary-bound shots. Nigel responded with two lovely straight sixes that inadvertently missed Annie at the scoring table, to up the run rate, only falling right at the end for a fine knock of 74. Fraser then concluded proceedings with a steepling straight six to leave Erratics at 175-3 from our allotted 35 overs. Would exactly five runs an over be enough? If only someone had a crystal ball.

But any old oracle would have had no problem in foreseeing that self-administered tea would be a shambolic affair, with Erratics reclining randomly about the place, having rummaged deep in kit bags for misaligned sandwiches, agglomerations of cake, and the odd chocolate bar in distress.[4] It was, by contrast, unexpectedly lovely the way the partners and families of the Marldon team laid out their many-coloured rugs in a neat row on the boundary to support their menfolk, both with applause and ribaldry, and now with nicely presented dainties and other refreshments.

And then off we gambolled back into the golden light and warmth of the afternoon.

Not even Baba Vanga would have dared predict Fraser would open with Phil, certainly a calculated risk given the short boundaries, especially as Phil needed to bowl uphill and against the slight breeze to make use of the local camber. An atypical number of short balls ensued, all gleefully smacked to the leg boundary by the unconventional opening pair of Scott and Rowsell. From the village hall end Mark bowled his customary tempting fuller length, and the batsman were duly tempted, and got away with it. A world-class moment from Lee halted the run cascade: fielding at short midwicket to Phil, he deftly plucked a brutal blow from the air with one hand as though it were mere ripe autumn fruit. If this champagne moment suggested a turning of tides, it did not stick, as new batsman Francis was even more aggressive and, riding his luck with a rare drop by the skipper and a suspiciously close stumping off Phil [5], accelerated the scoring rate so that, with only ten overs bowled, Marldon had amassed over a hundred and the game was all but up.

But might there still be a twist in the tale?

No. Fraser rang the bowling changes, bringing Lee downhill from the top end, with Ben Y-B taking over from Phil, but luck remained with the batsmen, who both reached their 50s and retired. Such retirements can sometimes alter totally the character of a game mid-flow, and the incoming batsman were by no means as fluent, but so few runs were now needed for victory that it was hard to stir shell-shocked Erratics into optimism, and despite a wicket each for Ben and Lee and another spectacular apple-picker catch by Mark from the late-change bowling of Paul Carr, the game was done before the church clock struck five.

It was just one of those days, we said; we might have scored more quickly had we known, we said; we might have bowled more miserly had we wished, we said; perhaps it was written in the stars, we said; but chances had been created, and things simply didn't go our way, we said; so defeat was accepted gracefully, with the significant compensation of predestined roast potatoes and gravy in the pub garden.

From a low roof, a seagull watched us serve ourselves until all but one potato remained. With our encouragement it mustered up enough pluck to drop down to the table, at which point the barman arrived to clear away, and scared it off again. We pleaded with him to spare the final spud, and so he tossed it onto a flat roof as if returning a ball to the bowler, whereupon the gull downed it in one, almost choking itself in the process, and we all shrieked with delight.

As far as I can recall, it was the first time in my Erratics career a completed afternoon game had ended before 5.

Who’d have thought it?

Chris Cook

[1] Though it would have been hard to predict Duncan being there - bravely making up the XI with a bust hamstring and a leg the colour of gone-off liver.
[2] The only vaguely comparable local rules I can bring to mind were from the early days of the Gloucester tour on Frampton village green - purportedly the longest in England, but very narrow - where very short boundaries square of the wicket led to fours being scored as two runs, and sixes as four runs.
[3] Curiously, at the end of the match, Jonathan was soliciting photos of Nigel’s naked torso.
[4] A notable exception was the shiny and capacious Hailwood tiffin box, which upon opening released, among other treats, a giant pasty.
[5] 'Suspiciously close' perhaps doesn’t accurately describe Jonathan’s view of events.

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
1nb 8w 3b 1lb 
for 3 wickets
13
175		        
Chris Cook ct T Simcox b C Lamming 19 19 4 100
Nigel Rutherford b C Lamming 74 112 11 2 66.07
Jon Perkin ct A Lamming b A Lamming 25 29 5 86.21
Fraser Chave Not Out  42 47 6 1 89.36 1
Jonathan Kirby Not Out  2 4 50.0
Lee Grant   1
Mark Hailwood   1
Duncan Chave  
Phil Power  
Paul Carr  
Ben Yarde-Buller  

Marldon Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Peter Foot7.013800.005.43
Cameron Lamming7.0125212.503.57
Ali Lamming6.0133133.005.50
Andy Singh3.002100.007.00
Grant Thompson7.011800.002.57
Kevin Francis3.002500.008.33
Tony Simcox2.001100.005.50

Marldon Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
2nb 2w 4b 1lb 
for 4 wickets
9
178 (21.1 overs)		     
Sam Rowsell ct L Grant b P Power 18 15 4 120.0
Sean Scott Retired Not Out  52 36 11 144.44
Kevin Francis Retired Not Out  50 19 6 4 263.16
Adam Claridge ct F Chave b B Yarde-Buller 4 5 1 80.0
Andy Singh ct M Hailwood b P Carr 17 25 3 68.00
Tony Simcox b L Grant 0 6 0
Cameron Lamming Not Out  28 23 6 121.74
Grant Thompson Not Out  0
Peter Foot  
Ali Lamming  
   

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Mark Hailwood5.005000.0010.00
Phil Power4.0053153.0013.25
Ben Yarde-Buller6.0035135.005.83
Lee Grant4.0115115.003.75
Paul Carr2.0016116.008.00
Fraser Chave0.10400.0024.00