Tipton St John v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sat 21 May 2011 at Unknown

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Tipton St John v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sat 21 May 2011 at Unknown
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 2 wickets

Match report By Chris Fear

The forecast for Saturday 21st of May, 2011 was not encouraging; overcast, high pressure, some rain that evening and, according to American evangelical preacher Harold Camping, the End of the World. What better way, then, to spend one’s last day on Earth than playing cricket with the Erratics at Tipton St John – especially as Armageddon wasn’t due until six in the evening, and the fixture was set for half past two. At the very least we’d squeeze in some batting and some scones.

And so behold! the Erratic heroes did emerge from Valhalla,
To take up the central position on the Fields of Tipton,
To face their destiny;
The Day of Ragnarök at hand, as foretold by the elders.
And there was much action, bravery, and misfortune.
Lo, the unfortunate S. Cox did top-edge the very first attack of the battle:
And it was high and fearful,
But alas! it fell straight to the grateful hands of the warrior Tubbs;
And he interrupted a sequence of warm-up stretches he was still performing at square leg
To take what some of his fellows, unkind of heart, did suggested would be
“The only catch he would hold all season.”

But then behold! the unfortunate young Cox’s father, Peter:
He was as steady as Thor, and for many overs refused to trade in anything but boundaries.
Great time passed, and he hammered out a towering 88:
And it was the greatest individual contribution to his side’s total.
McRae, the swift-footed, performed many graceful strokes.
He used great cunning to find gaps in the enemy defence,
Until cruelly he was cut down by a faster ball
That took his wicket high on middle stump.

Those gallant batsmen were oft bewildered by bowling variation.
Great cunning was here at work among the Men of Tipton!
The archer Pickering frustrated the Erratic middle-order with slower balls
Ere they could find the rhythm so oft their meat and drink.
Kothamachu, a valiant warrior from the East, earned 13.
Kirby, the leader, drummer of the gods, offered 10,
And alas! doubt did creep across those windy fields.

So the heroes doused the fires in their throats with orange squash.

And now entered Weiler – Weiler the Wanderer – the laughing cavalier,
His woollen armour yellowed with experience.
And he showed great courage, great skill, and wrested 38 runs.

But now, following the Great Feast, came the Men of Tipton to the crease,
And their leader, Tolley – why! there was a merciless warrior!
He was greatly skilled, and the heroes of Erratica watched with heavy hearts
As he smote attack after attack,
As if with the hammer Mjölnir itself:
One barb he smote through the window of an adjacent tractor,
And the next he dismissed altogether from the field of battle,
Lost in the long grass forever.
Many comrades came and went,
Sent back to Valhalla by some Erratic bowling fine,
And some less fine:
But the heroic Tolley stood firm.

There was then a skirmish on one flank
As an unusual delivery from a young novice – the boy poet – dislodged a bail,
But was harshly judged to have struck the ground once too oft on its trajectory thither.
Cox the Elder was terribly angered, and he muttered a spell known only to him.

And lo! the sky grew dark,
The end – the end of the End – was at hand,
But the two great armies were yet evenly matched.
After an age Tolley fell, and it was the hand of Cox the Elder that did it.
He summoned great might, and put all of his cunning into one great delivery;
The gods watched and all was still.
And o glory! the ball found its mark: The stumps were scattered,
The bails broken into a thousand pieces, none larger than a grain of sand.
And then Tolley was applauded by all for his resolve and skill.

But, thus inspired, the Men of Tipton fought yet,
And ere long victory was indeed theirs.
One hundred and ninety five runs were achieved by those venturesome men.
And that was the end of the Battle of Ragnarök, the End of Days.

And then heroes from all sides met and were merry together in comradeship
At the Golden Lion, where the ale flows for eternity from drinking horns bottomless like the seas.

==================================

The moment referred to by the author, when the "skies grew dark", was when the Tipton St John captain was bowled by Chris Fear, but then promptly declared himself not out because the ball had bounced more than twice before hitting the stumps. This was before any call was made by the umpire. It's not clear whether the umpire was fully familiar with the Law on no-balls - if the ball bounces thrice before reaching the popping crease, it counts as a no-ball, but if the third bounce occurs between the popping crease and the stumps, it's a perfectly legal delivery. Let's just say there was some confusion about this...

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting

Player Name		Runs
extras TOTAL :	1nb 10w 4b for 8 wickets	15 194
Sam Cox	Caught	0
Andrew McRae	Bowled	22
Peter Cox	Caught	88
Varun Kothamachu	Bowled	13
Jonathan Kirby	Bowled	10
Martin Weiler	Not Out	38
Christopher Fear	Bowled	1
Phil Ellis	Bowled	4
James Burrows	Run out	3
Peter Thomson
A.N. Other

Tipton St John Bowling

Player name	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
No records to display.

Tipton St John Batting

Player name		R
extras TOTAL :	6nb 20w 2b 1lb for 8 wickets	29 195 (38.5 overs)

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player Name	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
James Burrows	8.0	2	18	2	9.00	2.25
Andrew McRae	5.0	0	40	0	0.00	8.00
Varun Kothamachu	8.0	2	27	0	0.00	3.38
Phil Ellis	3.0	0	35	0	0.00	11.67
Martin Weiler	2.0	0	19	1	19.00	9.50
Peter Cox	8.0	17	5	0	0.00	0.63
Christopher Fear	1.0	0	11	0	0.00	11.00
Sam Cox	3.5	0	25	0	0.00	6.52

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