Scorecard

Newton Poppleford v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Thu 09 Aug 2012 at 6.00 pm
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 82 runs

Match report Match Report by Martin Wright:

On reflection, it started in the charabanc.

Eight Erratics packed into the Taiko Tank, generously supplied by Jonathan, set off with high hearts into the Heavitree traffic. But a superstitious observer might soon have spotted the odd omen of confusion and disarray.

First, there was Matt, itemising the strengths of the opposition, in particular some multi-headed hydra named Raistrick. “There’s a young one who bowls really fast, and then another who’s a huge hitter, and then the other…”.

Your correspondent tried to brighten the mood by asking about plans for the tour, and whether he was likely to get a game. “The likelihood of you playing is greater than the likelihood of there actually being a game to play in”, replied Ferro, cryptically.

“It’s all down to Serendipity and Happenstance”, added Matt – who then had to explain that these were not, more’s the pity, the names of the first two opponents (Erratics 167-6; Serendipity 141 all out – happily).

At around this point, the Tank having come to rest in the sultry morass of the Heavitree rush hour, Ed searched in vain for a way to open the windows. Was any chance of some air for the livestock in the back?, he asked. Suddenly it all fell chillingly into place: cramped conditions…airless compartments…we were lambs en route to the slaughter!

Calm down, Martin, it’s just a game.
And one that, at first, looked like it might be a contest, too.

Newton Poppleford won the toss, batted, and began briskly, taking 22 off the first two overs. Then Gareth, Matt and Ed reined them back, and for a while it looked as though we could keep them to around six an over. But then the Raistrick reared its head, planted its front foot down the wicket, and began to lay about itself with murderous intent, thumping good and bad balls alike to, or over, the boundary.

At times, particularly when Raistrick (M) – with 29* off just 10 balls - was dispatching Mark’s well-meaning half volleys into the middle of next week, we must have looked like the losers in a particularly brutal bout of Greco-Roman wrestling, without the option of meek surrender. (However much we assumed the submission pose, the pummelling continued.)

There were sparks of impressive commitment. On two separate occasions, Tristram sprinted in from the boundary to attempt a catch off a lofted drive, only to discover that his surge of youthful elan had taken him several paces too far, allowing the ball to plop harmlessly to earth behind him.

Dan showed great courage in positioning himself under a steepling mishit at short extra, calling ‘mine!’ with impressive confidence, much to the relief of Martin lurking nearby. Sadly the ball failed to match Dan’s commitment and bottled out of the encounter, cravenly avoiding his upstretched hands.

More positively, Ed scampered to good effect round the outfield, and Matt and Chris both proved their rocket arms were in good order, firing in vicious flat returns from the boundary. (Your correspondent had the misfortune to back up a Ferro thunderbolt. With his shin.)

Our bowlers laboured manfully against the onslaught. In theory at least, this was a ‘two per bowler’ game, allowing everyone bar the keeper to turn their arm over. In practice, several of us demurred, proffering doctor’s notes of varying credibility – including, shamefully, your correspondent.

Dan bravely essayed a couple of overs, hinting at greater things to come with the odd well looped, teasing delivery. Tristram landed a few sufficiently on the spot to befuddle the batters; while Ed turned in a tidy spell, going at just over five an over and snaffling a caught and bowled. Mark suffered at the hands of The Raistrick, but could easily have had a couple of wickets had catches gone to hand.

Our two tightest bowlers were Matt and Chris. The former was his usual testing, turning, bouncy self. Chris held himself back until the death – although ‘state of advanced decomposition’ is perhaps a more accurate description of the health of the Body Errratic by this stage – stemming the flow reliably as ever. But the life force had already drained away by the time he pinned a leg before on the final delivery, and, faced with a mighty 162 for victory, the prospects of resurrection looked slim.


Still ‘n all…. It’s a game of two halves, right?.... Where there’s life, and all that?...

And so Martin and Jan set off to open, with Martin in particular adopting an air of almost perky confidence. “We just need two boundaries an over, Skip”, he said, with all the naïve pluck of a raw subaltern about to lead his men over the top at the Somme.

On arriving at the crease, however, such pluck evaporated. Appearing to combine all the grace of a Romanian shot putter on ice with the eyesight of a stuffed pig, Martin faffed and missed dismally for a couple of overs, attempted suicide by top edging a pull into his ribcage, and, when that failed to put him out of his misery, at least had the decency to play on. Matt followed, undone by Davies’s even slower one, and when Jan perished soon after we were staring down the barrel at 14-3 after five overs.

Two boundaries an over indeed. Two miracles an over more like. Soon we were 20-4 off 7. The game was slipping from our grasp, but those two reliable stalwarts, Ferro and Kirby, restored some measure of respect by taking us to 63 from 13. As ever, their running was an object lesson to us all. Five yard backups, decisive calls, and crisp cantering between the wickets turned dots into ones and ones into twos, without either of them ever seeming rushed or in the remotest danger of being run out. Kirby (18) played some neat dabs and paddles, and Ferro a couple of beautifully timed shots off his legs. Dignity, if not victory, was in our grasp, before Ferro’s enforced retirement having reached 25.

And apres lui, le deluge.

He set a face-saving ‘target’ of 100, but Jonathan, Tristram, Ed and Dan all fell to a variety of Raistricks; Mark, whose day this clearly wasn’t, was run out for a duck, and Jeff perished to Newton’s ninth change bowler, Goldthorpe, off the last ball of the match.

Our last six wickets had added just 15, and our total of 78 fell just short of being half way to the target.

Team GB we weren’t. (Unless you count the catastrophic pile up in the BMX final. We were a bit like that.)

In the charabanc on the way home, Jeff presented his final gold medal, awarding it to our very own Usain, Tristram ‘The Bolt’ Neal, for his two impressive sprints in from long off. They may not have been strictly necessary, may even have been completely counter productive, but no one could doubt the commitment on show.

Earlier, we’d feasted on pizza and chips in the pub while watching the original Bolt power his way to victory in the 200 metres, marvelling at the way he eased off, immensely cool, before he even reached the line. There’s a metaphor for us buried in there somewhere, but for the life of me I can’t extract it.

Newton Poppleford Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
8nb 3w 3lb 
for 2 wickets
14
160 (20.0 overs)		     
A Raistrick Retired Not Out  25
B Wooley Retired Not Out  28
C Davies ct  E Keedwell 17
R Coombes Not Out  22
M Raistrick Retired Not Out  29
E Thomas Retired Not Out  25
T Alsford lbw  C Ferro 0
G House Not Out  0
M Sach  
L Raistrick  
D Goldthorpe  

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Jeff Haynes3.002700.009.00
Tristram Neal3.002400.008.00
Gareth Oughton2.001500.007.50
Ed Keedwell3.0016116.005.33
Mark Phillips3.004100.0013.67
Matt Cook2.00800.004.00
Daniel Thistlethwaite2.001700.008.50
Chris Ferro2.00717.003.50

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
extras
TOTAL :
10w 2b 2lb 
for 10 wickets
14
78		        
Jan Heaton ct  T Alford 1 13 7.69
Martin Wright b  C Davies 3 11 27.27
Matt Cook ct  C Davies 1 2 50.0
Jonathan Kirby ct  A Raistrick 18 24 2 75.00
Gareth Oughton ct  T Alsford 5 12 41.67
Chris Ferro Not Out  28 28 2 100
Tristram Neal ct  L Raistrick 4 11 36.36
Ed Keedwell ct  L Raistrick 1 4 25.00 1
Mark Phillips Run out  0 3 0
Daniel Thistlethwaite b  M Raistrick 1 7 14.29
Jeff Haynes ct  D Goldthorpe 2 3 66.67

Newton Poppleford Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
G House2.00400.002.00
C Davies2.00623.003.00
T Alsford2.00723.503.50
E Thomas2.00600.003.00
M Sach2.002200.0011.00
B Wooley2.00900.004.50
L Raistrick3.001125.503.67
A Raistrick2.00414.002.00
M Raistrick1.41313.001.80
D Goldthorpe1.00313.003.00