Scorecard

Staverton v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 18 Jun 2006 at 2pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 48 runs

Match report by Peter Thomson

It occurred to me, as I was driving home from the Sea Trout, that no one had – in my hearing at least – been nominated to write a report on this 40-over match. So, without a score-book to consult, but with the memory still fresh, I volunteer this.

To begin with, most of the Erratics were at the ground before 1 o’clock – only to be told that the game didn’t start until 1.30. Matt Cook, reluctantly skippering, found out from the Staverton captain that it was a batsman’s wicket, and was understandably surprised, having lost the toss, to be given first innings.

I can report, from the vantage-point of an umpire, that the Staverton team is talkative in the field. Not that the dialogue is particularly scintillating: ‘Nice one, Mikey’, ‘Let’s have another one like that, Georgy boy’, ‘Give it a go Staverton’, ‘This guy’s only got one shot’, ‘Why waste your best balls on people who can’t bat, Ady baby’.

Standing at square leg was a bit like being on the terrace when Exeter City are losing 1-0 to a nondescript team from Essex. It strengthened my urge to win, and seemed to have a negative impact on a large Stavertonian called Darren. He was, without doubt, the most stationary fielder I’ve ever seen (Stephen Fisher was a greyhound by comparison) – except once when he spread his legs to encourage a half-hit pull to go between them. (His punishment was to be moved to first slip, which sufficiently affronted him to lead to his packing up his kit and going home during the tea interval.

Since one of their bowlers had damaged his finger when trying to catch a ferocious straight-drive, Staverton had only nine batsmen. I’m not sure of the protocol for the score-book recording of these missing men: ‘Absent Hurt’ is orthodox, but ‘Absent Sulking’ is rare, and ‘Pissed Off’, though accurate, is too lurid for the MCC.)

Tim Mileham and Nick Birbeck began steadily enough – until Nick ran himself out in one of those red mist moments that afflict batsmen who’ve just connected with the ball after a spell of feckless groping. He glided back to the pavilion (what pavilion? it was arsoned to pieces last year), silent and wan as a ghost in a floppy red hat. Paul Molins put together his usual combination of classical forward defensive thrusts and that unique shot of his that is, perhaps, best described as a side-swipe, but the real business of our innings was conducted by the partnership of Adam Thomas and Matt Cook.

At the 20-over drinks break, Adam confessed that, on a wicket as unpropitious as this one, we’d be pushed to reach 150. That was before he hit his two sixes – one of which cleared the road and landed not far short of a picture window. (This created a rare moment of quiet among the Staverton fielders: the owners of this house tend, on fine days, to take tea in front of this window. The possibility that one of them is now lying dead in the front garden can’t be dismissed out of hand.

There’s an essay to be written about the relationship of village cricket-teams with the residents of houses adjacent to the pitch. Since no one from Staverton made a move to recover this (new!) ball, it can fairly be assumed that unresolved tensions apply here.) By the time Adam and Matt were out, we probably had enough runs to win the match, which may account for the rush to self-destruction in the later order. Simon Topping’s dismissal – run out after twice allowing his legs to overrule Ian Lisk’s frenzied ‘NO!!!’ – was the kind of episode Buster Keaton might have based a whole film on.


The tea, it has to be said, was not lavish – it put me in mind of a penurious tupper-wear party. What followed, though, gave rise to some interesting speculations about the limitations of 40-over cricket. The fact is that, once Ian Lisk had reeled off eight accurate and deeply intelligent overs for five runs, Staverton’s chances of victory were extremely slender. He shared the opening attack with another out-swinger – a man definitely called Phil (I’d never seen him before), and possibly called Phil Ellis – who went for very few in his four overs. This Phil had brought with him at least two youngish females (always a risky thing to do when Sam Cook’s playing), who kept the scoreboard going during the Erratics’ innings with the kind of promptness and precision that makes a difference. (He can play again, then!)

It was Sam Cook who made the first break-through, though – in the tenth over, with scarcely 20 on the board. The only threat to our near-inevitable passage to victory was constituted by one of those glorious village batsmen – no guard: bat resting way outside off-stump: pads hiding the wicket from the bowler – who has no wish to know the difference between a good ball and a bad ball. Having missed all six in Ian’s last over, he connected with enough thereafter to bring Tim Mileham out in heat-lumps, and it was a relief when Matt Cook somehow threaded the ball past his pads. After that, the innings was wrapped up by Adam Thomas and Phil-of-the-nymphettes – and we were in the Sea Trout by 6.30.

NB The Staverton side were obviously too distracted to keep our scorebook up-to-date while they were batting. Sadly, no Erratic copied over the bowling figures. This means that the bowling figures given here are based on educated guesswork...


Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
4nb 2w 4b 2lb 
for 9 wickets
12
176		        
Tim Mileham Caught  13
Nick Birbeck Run out  4
Paul Molins Bowled  13
Adam Thomas Bowled  61
Matt Cook Bowled  46
Sam Cook Caught  7
Simon Topping Run out  3
Ian Lisk Caught  6
John Curtis Caught  0
Phil Ellis Not Out  0
Peter Thomson Not Out  0

Staverton Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Staverton Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 10 wickets
0
128 (30.0 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ian Lisk8.04515.000.63
Phil Ellis8.0030310.003.75
Sam Cook4.0030130.007.50
Matt Cook4.0030130.007.50
Adam Thomas4.002036.675.00
Paul Molins2.001300.006.50