Clyst St George v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 06 Aug 2017 at 2.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 6 wickets

Match report Report by Jeff Haynes

First of all, I must say a big thank you to the Erratics’ administration for sponsoring my trip to Washington DC for a short course on news reporting, from which I hope this match report benefits. Special thanks must go to Selector Mark Hailwood for demonstrating his wholehearted and unswerving confidence in me by choosing me as Match Reporter.
The Federal Association for Knowledge Enhancement operates its News Academy from a building only a couple of blocks north of the Trump International Hotel where the Erratics had kindly booked me in for the whole week. Nothing at ‘Trump Tower’ was quite what it seemed, which somehow got me into the right frame of mind for the training which followed. You have probably already learned all you need to know about the Clyst St George match from my tweets. However, one of the first things we were told at the Academy was that, apparently, two per cent of the population actually does not have a Twitter account! Can you believe it? So, to supplement our Twitter feeds, we were strongly advised always to draft a news release and paste it on the HitsSports website. That way we would be certain to hoover up the other two per cent of potential readers … so here goes:

Erratics coast to most emphatic victory for fifty years

The Erratics arrived at Clyst St George direct from their ‘winning draw’ against the Mystics and Magicians at Sidbury, eager to do even better. There, the Mystics bowling had been flailed to all quarters of the ground, and yet they managed to contain the mighty Erratics batting during the final couple of overs and scrape an unlikely draw.
They found the Clyst ground bathing in 40 degree sunshine, with just a hint of a pleasant cooling breeze. You are always promised a great crowd at Clyst, and today was no exception. Surely five hundred supporters filled the pavilion and spilled over onto the grass around the boundary, eager to watch the match unfold. Erratics captain, Martin Wright, deliberately called a losing toss to put pressure on the Clyst captain by forcing him to decide what to do. The Erratics were asked to bowl, but Clyst hedged their bets by asking the Erratics to agree to their using 13 players. Captain Wright magnanimously agreed!
Ben Youngman and Nick Walding tied down the opposition for 16 overs, picking up 2 for 30 and 0 for 37 respectively, getting the Erratics comfortably on top. Freddie Creer and Dan Tackle were clearly going to really struggle, so Captain Wright brought on Fraser Chave and Jeff Haynes as first change to give Clyst a sporting chance of making something of a match. However, both bowlers found it hard to give away runs until Jeff’s fourth over when he successfully tempted the batsmen to really go for boundaries in a big way. This clearly tired both batsmen who, short of stamina, had to leave the field for a rest as soon as they reached their fifties. After this, only Andy Donovan provided any resistance to the Erratics bowling attack. Fraser (three wickets) struck first with a smart stumping by Siva, and then Krupakar (four wickets) joined in the party. Wickets really began to tumble: 156-4, 164-5, 164-6, 170-7, 171-8, 172-9 … in no small part thanks to Captain Wright’s safe pocketing of four catches. In stead of turning to their 12th and 13th men, Clyst brought back the now well-rested Creer (74) and Tackle (78) who managed to scrape themselves through the last overs from Ben Abrahams and Chris Ferro, to reach a total of 232 by the close of the innings. Special mention must be made of the Erratics’ fielding, Mark Phillips and Martin Weiler moving like men half their age.
Reinforced by a seventeen course tea (modest by Clyst standards), and in the case of Clyst by fresh players, the Erratics’ innings began with Mark and Krupakar slaying the bowling attack … after only 7 overs they had already charged to 6, before Mark was undone by an unexpected straight ball. With only 227 left to get it was clearly going to be routine from that point on. Ben A contributed 18 to the first fifty partnership, and Martin W contributed 5 to the next fifty partnership before he fell to Clyst’s Bernie Wilson. At the other end, Krupakar just accumulated and accumulated. When he eventually holed out, again off Wilson, for a magnificent 107, the Erratics were 175 for 4. It was then a simple matter for Fraser and Chris to see the Erratics home with 11 balls to spare, mainly by running fours, fives, sixes and sevens, where earlier players would have struggled to complete a single.
Krupakar’s all round performance of 5-1-19-4 with the ball, and his maiden Erratic century with the bat, would certainly have earned him a man-of-the-match award, had one existed. It is sad then that some other news media have been suggesting that Krupakar might have had secret meetings with Clyst players before the match, and that the result was ‘influenced’. The Erratics administration has confirmed that Krupakar had no prior meetings with Clyst players, and indeed, he had never even set eyes on any of them before this day. Anyone suggesting as much is simply out to sully the good name of the Erratics administration, and this is what it will be saying in its evidence if called before any Grand Jury.

[Next time I may forget the two per cent and just stick to writing in the 140 character reporting style, even if it does mean ignoring my training at the F.A.K.E. News Academy]

Breaking News
Erratics Administration fires specially trained Match Reporter after one match. See the following tweet from Mark Hailwood:

@ErraticsSelector Jeff was a fantastic choice. Right guy, right time. None better! But times change. Now he’s the pits. New guy in post for Thursday’s match.

Clyst St George Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
10w 5b 1lb 
for 9 wickets
232 (40.0 overs)
F Creer Not Out  74
A Welsh b  Youngman 4
S Read ct  Wright b Youngman 16
D Tackle Not Out  78
A Donovan ct  Wright b Nallala 33
D Welch st  Siva b F Chave 2
E Webber ct  Wright b F Chave 0
w Furniss b  F Chave 1
H Dow ct  Wright b Nallala 9
B Creer ct  Phillips b Nallala 0
O Manning ct  F Chave b Nallala 0

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ben Youngman8.0030215.003.75
Nick Walding8.003700.004.62
Fraser Chave8.0052317.336.50
Jeff Haynes4.003400.008.50
Jayakrupakar Nallala5.011944.753.80
Ben Abrahams4.004000.0010.00
Chris Ferro3.001400.004.67

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
2nb 24w 16b 1lb 
for 4 wickets
Mark Phillips b  B Creer 1 1
Jayakrupakar Nallala ct  F Creer b.Wilson 107 22 1
Ben Abrahams b  Wilson 18 3
Martin Weiler b  Dow 5 1
Fraser Chave Not Out  47 6 2
Chris Ferro Not Out  15 1
Martin Wright   4
Nick Walding  
Sivaraman Subramanian   1
Ben Youngman  
Jeff Haynes  

Clyst St George Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.