Ottery St.Mary v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 14 Aug 2022 at 1.30pm

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Ottery St.Mary v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 14 Aug 2022 at 1.30pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 7 Wickets

Match report By order of The Selector: Macho Reporto

The Selector says we need to dissociate match reports from the taint of femininity they have acquired under the influence of ******, ******, ***, and others. We need to align them instead with a kind of hairy masculinity.

Lilies, cakes, and bucolic references are out. We need blood, battle, sex, hunts, death. Manly things. And to treat manly things properly, this match report requires an appropriately manly style. Out with girly adjectives, rapt similes, elaborate metaphors, ethereal ruminations. In with curt observation, plain sentences, icy repetition.

"F*** it. Can it be done?" he asked. "Yes" he ejaculated! "I will be clear. I will omit needless words. I won't overwrite. I'll avoid fancy phrases. And I'll use the active voice. That'll make it MACHO.”

"Can it be done?" he repeated icily. "Yes" he insisted. Insistently.

Let's go...

On 14th August, the Erratics put the young of Ottery St Mary to the sword.

First they bullied them with the ball. Ottery had no answer to the violent pace of Hailwood and Kirby who tore through half the side between them. Alone, former Teign Valley stalwart Bob Cope stood on the burning deck defiant to the end. Manly. Macho. Foster had given half a hundred in hope, but he perished, stumps smashed, ogling a ball rather than hammering it to the boundary. The butchery was complete.

Then the Erratics bashed them with the bat, mercilessly hunting down the required runs. Mercilessly.

Ottery smarted from the pain James inflicted on them. (STOP! Overly-clever attempt at another pun. Not macho enough.) Erratics batters pierced the field repeatedly. The sell-swords from Stoke-in-Teignhead gave bloody account of themselves. Molins murdered the ball. Chave did not bat.

But in the end there was beer. And biscuits. There was back-slapping. There was companionship among comrades in arms. There was dignity. Nobility too. There had been an excellent tea. The players departed in friendship. And it had been scorching hot.

That's enough.

JK.

NB A.N. Other was Chacko John, from Stoke-in-Teignhead, like Putmo.

Ottery St.Mary Batting

Player name		Runs
extras TOTAL :	2nb 13w 2b 1lb for 10 wickets	18 134 (33.5 overs)
N Foster	b Ogley	50
D Gleason	ct & B. Hailwood	9
Z Carstairs	ct F Chave B. Hailwood	11
C Nanckivell	b Hailwood	0
O Triner	ct F Chave B. Ogley	0
W Russell	ct Smart B. Kirby	10
S Morgan	b Smart	1
S Upsher	b John	13
T Miskin	ct & B. Kirby	0
T Jeacock	ct BYB B. F Chave	19
B Cope	Not Out	3

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player Name	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
Mark Hailwood	7.0	0	42	3	14.00	6.00
Ben Yarde-Buller	4.0	1	22	0	0.00	5.50
Mat Ogley	5.5	0	19	2	9.50	3.26
James Smart	5.0	0	8	1	8.00	1.60
Jonathan Kirby	4.0	0	15	2	7.50	3.75
Roger Putman	2.0	0	8	0	0.00	4.00
Fraser Chave	3.0	1	15	1	15.00	5.00
A.N. Other	3.0	1	2	1	2.00	0.67

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting

Player Name		R	B	4s	6s	SR	Catches
extras TOTAL :	1nb 9w 5b 4lb for 3 wickets	19 138
Anuj Tiwari	ct Triner	9	9	2		100
James Smart	Retired Not Out	54	55	8	1	98.18	1
Ben Yarde-Buller	ct Triner	5	12	1		41.67	1
A.N. Other	b Russell	23	30	3		76.67
Roger Putman	Not Out	25	25	4		100
Paul Molins	Not Out	10	13	2		76.92
Mat Ogley
Fraser Chave							2
Mark Hailwood							1
Andrew Forrester
Jonathan Kirby							1

Ottery St.Mary Bowling

Player name	Overs	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
D Gleeson	6.0	26	0	0.00	4.33
S Morgan	1.0	5	0	0.00	5.00
O Triner	5.0	28	2	14.00	5.60
W Russell	6.0	39	1	39.00	6.50
B Cope	5.0	17	0	0.00	3.40
N Foster	1.0	6	0	0.00	6.00
Z Carstairs	0.1	4	0	0.00	24.00

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