Scorecard

Marldon v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sat 05 Sep 2015 at 1.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Won by 125 runs

Match report Fraser Chave 'reports'...

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the Subject of Marldon Cricket:

Cricket is played on a field of generally unspecified dimensions (called 'the pitch’. In Marldon terms the 'Pitch’ is so unspecified that they require a rule of their own, the infamous straight six rule. The placement seems to change but I've narrowed it down to between the shed and the tree, and between the tree and the tree, with a special central section of manicured and nurtured grass called 'the wicket'). In this example the outfield grass was about as un-manicured as it is possible to be, the lawn mower having personally decided that the cricket season was over and that it should just die in the knowledge of a job not even started. At each end of the wicket, separated by 22 yards, is placed an assemblage of wooden components (These wooden components also take the name wickets, which, is actually very confusing. So evidently hit wicket could mean one of two things, either the batsmen has angrily attacked the assemblage of wooden components, or has angrily slammed his bat on to the ground). Adjacent to the playing area of the pitch is a building called 'the pavilion' which some believe to be the most important part of the pitch (Marldon tend to disagree, as in place of a pavilion is some trees, a bench and a table, with the "players" sent to "get ready" in a shared "changing room" in the "village hall").

Prior to the commencement of play, the two captains came out from the pavilion , or in this case onto the pitch to toss a coin to determine which team was 'in' (ie which team bats first). Due to the length of grass the captains had to be guided out on to the wicket by a slightly mysterious local with their own, somewhat wild animal, which they insisted was harmless. They then went back in (Or in this case just "Back") and the entire team which was out (ie fielding against the batting team) took their places around the pitch.

The two players on the team that were batting each stood in front of a wicket (the wooden assemblage of sticks type) at either end of the wicket (the manicured grass type). In the Erratics case these were Captain M.Wright and D.E.Chave. The remainder of the batting team stayed inside the pavilion (Or not) until it was their turn to bat. Then, two members of the fielding team took it in turns to deliver the ball to the batters (and by deliver I do not mean packaged and stamped). They were called the 'bowlers'. Each bowler bowled six balls (Not 6 different balls mind, the idea is that there is only one ball used) in what is called an 'over'. When an over has finished (or is over), the other bowler bowls the ball from the opposite end of the wicket. The correct way to deliver the ball is to bounce it off the (manicured grass) wicket and to try and hit the (wooden assemblage of sticks) wicket. The batter's task is to stop the ball from hitting the (wooden assemblage of sticks) wicket after it has bounced off the (manicured grass) wicket. The batter uses his bat for this, but can use parts of his body, subject to certain rules (It is inadvisable however, not to use parts of your body, because they will hurt if hit and the bat, which is not actually part of your body, will not. Well actually we don't know this, no one has ever asked one (typical, I somewhat distantly hear you say).

Now, assuming that the batter hits the ball (In this case, Unlikely), the ball will go into the field where it will be fielded by a fielder. If the batter hits a ball into a section of the field where there are no fielders there may be sufficient time to score a run (This is the general idea, however it was discovered that this can be tricky when the grass is higher than the diameter of the ball). To achieve this, the batter must run the length of the (manicured grass) wicket between the two (the wooden assemblage of sticks) wickets at the same time as the non-batting batter. The batter has scored a run and subsequently has become the non-batting batter (Unless the over is over). It seems remarkably unfair that, despite having run the same distance, the other batman is not awarded any runs. It is possible to score two or even three runs in this manner with the batter and non-batting batter changing roles for odd scores and not changing for even scores, subject to the over-finishing situation (in Marldon’s case it was discovered that twos and threes were practically impossible, what with the grass being practically up to the knee).

There is however, an easier way. If the batter hits the ball hard enough it may go out of the playing area. In this case four runs have been scored and neither of the batters has to move at all (A blessing I hear you cry). A ball hit out of the playing area without touching the ground (sort of like a home run in baseball, but more elegant) scores six runs (But only between the shed and the tree, or the tree and the tree).

It is possible to score runs without using any implement at all, a ball can bounce off the (manicured grass) wicket, miss the bat and the (wooden assemblage of sticks) wicket, proceed to an area of the field where there are no fielders and the batters can still score a run. This sort of run is called a 'bye' (as in the wicket keeper waves the ball good'bye'). In this case neither the batter nor the non-batting batter has scored - the run is just added to the total score. A particularly badly-delivered ball can go all the way out of play for four byes (runs). (It's theoretically possible to score six byes but about as likely as having the same birthday as another member of your team..)

Depending on your perspective, getting out is either easier or harder than getting runs, there are multiple ways to achieve this, which include:

- Bowled (Pretty straight forward, involves the batsman missing the ball and the ball not missing the (wooden assemblage of sticks) wickets.
- Caught (Involves hitting the ball, with the bat, into the air to be caught by a fielder)
- Run Out (Happens when Chris Ferro gets the ball while fielding, throws it, and hits the (wooden assemblage of sticks) wickets while the batsman is not inside his crease - can cause a lot of acrimony in the changing rooms (or in this case 'changing room').
- Stumped (Like Run Out, but done by the wicket keeper - not to be confused with the grounds keeper, he looks after the dead lawn mower).
- LBW (Nearly impossible to understand. The bowler bowls the ball and it hits the batter's leg, then all hell breaks loose).
- Hit Wicket (Already discussed)

Because runs may be scored in any part of the playing area, 360° around the batter, placement of the fielders is crucial (Some would say critical, some would say a waste of time), particularly as two of them are in highly inflexible positions, ie, the bowler and the wicketkeeper (since usually both are highly inflexible people, this is not so much of a problem as the Wicket Keepers primary objective is to break the wicket this is a peculiar use of the word 'keeper'). It is partially dependant on the style of the bowler, left or right-handedness of the batter, light, wind speed, possibly even the phase of the moon. Suffice to say that the combinations of options has led to a rich vocabulary of field positions.

The field is primarily divided into two halves, 'off' being to the bat side of the batman and 'on' or 'leg' to the leg side. Obviously the sides switch with left and right-handed batters - great fun when one of each is playing and they are scoring a lot of single runs. See a collection of fielding positions bellow:

Slip (Leg Slip): The place to put the most decrepit fielder, in order to spend the time looking threatening whilst talking the wicket keeper.
Gully (Leg Gully): Sort of stand vaguely in front of the slips, they tend to get in the way.
Third Man (Fine Leg): Inevitably there to collect the ball after the slips and gullies miss it.
Point (Square Leg): Places at a horizontal to the batsman, in other words, the place he's least likely to hit it.
Cover Point (Short Leg): The place you send the people who can't quite cope with Point and Square leg.
Extra Cover (Mid-Wicket): Tend to do the most work (and by work of course I mean movement)
Mid-Off (Mid-On): Similar to Slips, except they get to chat to the bowler.
Long-Off (Long-On): Stuck on the boundary all by their lonesome just in case a batsman has the audacity to hit it back over the bowlers head.

The conclusion is that Marldon cricket is unlike any other sport, its famous for being the only sport in which Chris Ferro will allow himself to hit a six (in fact, three in one over). It's a sport that requires the captain to nobly sacrifice their wicket in order to show his team that running on a pitch with long grass is perhaps not the best idea. And it’s the only sport in which I can be asked to remove my hat because the landlord of the pub won't like it. Marldon cricket is therefore harmless
or, in the case of those who do not wear helmets, mostly harmless.

Subject Ends


[AN Other was Shankar]

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 4 wickets
0
249		        
Duncan Chave Bowled  114
Martin Wright Run out  0
Jayakrupakar Nallala Caught  46
Fraser Chave Caught  4
Chris Ferro Not Out  71
Mark Phillips  
Ben Youngman  
Penny Price  
A.N. Other1  
N.O. One  
N.O. One  

Marldon Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Marldon Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 10 wickets
0
124 (36.0 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ben Youngman7.01818.001.14
Fraser Chave8.0129129.003.63
A.N. Other6.0023211.503.83
Jayakrupakar Nallala4.0023211.505.75
Chris Ferro5.0023123.004.60
Duncan Chave4.00531.671.25
Mark Phillips2.001100.005.50