Damazan v Erratics Cricket Club Erratics on Sun 18 Sep 2016 at 12.00pm
Erratics Cricket Club Lost by 24 runs

Match report Ben Youngman writes...

“How many Erratics does it change to change a light bulb?” Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you (although I’d hope that the answer is one), but can answer the almost equally important question: “How many Erratics does it take to remove a car wheel, and put it back on again?” The answer to that is eight. Saving the planet, by stopping to drop off recycling, and en route to our second game at Damazan, the Kirby-Forrester-Hailwood-Youngman car acquired a stone between its front nearside brake disc and pad, which led to a rather annoying screech, and was eventually solved by removal of the wheel, and the offending stone, with the aid of members of the Phillips-Molins-Weiler-Thistlethwaite car. Aside from droll humour, I do recommend that, if you find yourself in a similar pickle, hope that Mark Phillips and his impeccable knowledge of the wheel-changing process are at hand.

We arrived at the now familiar poplar-lined scene of Damazan (Alfie Conn, Erractics report, 14/09/2016) in less familiar undercast weather, motivated by our wheel-changing success, and hoping to right the wrongs of four days ago. Hailwood, skipper for the day, definitely couldn’t be criticised for his lack of preparation. After winning the toss, it was the field in which we found ourselves.

Now aclimatised to Damazan’s sub-carpet-like outfield, their runs were stifled reasonably well. In particular, Erratics 12 and 13, Matt Crawford and Mark Phillips, had prime position to witness Dan T’s impenetrable wall at gulley, Danny W’s backward-stretching take at cover, and Matt Cook’s boundary catch. These complemented Mark H’s and Danny W’s consistent bowling performances, earning each a brace of wickets. Penny, however, continually confused Damazan’s batters, to earn three wickets, and ultimately the titles of Player of Match and leading wicket taker of the Tour. The upshot was Damazan recording 172, which was a tempting target.

Paul M opened with a couple of off-side cuts, but unfortunately it was that same shot led to Danny W’s and later his demise. Enter Martin Wright and Matt Cook, both of whom soon found their stride. For the former that, of course, included a few trademark dinky-doos (a leg-side glance characterised by left-foot heel pivot) but also the democratically decided shot of the Tour, in which a poplar behind the bowler’s head became the target of an imperiously struck straight six. Meanwhile, Matt Cook preferred to send his sixes into the leg-side maize field. The M&M partnership (M Cook 59, M Wright 59) turned 13 for 2 into 125. Unfortunately, though, it was soon 130 for 4. Then 137 for 5 after Jonathan K added 4 to make his tour-leading run total of 118, but whose support this time, in contrast to Eymet, came from humans not entirely found in the imaginary part of the Argand diagram. Then, for the purposes of this report, Martin Weiler selflessly gave up his wicket to a Gagan bayonet. What’s a bayonet? A good question.

Jean-Claude Rieudebat, mentioned in Martin Weiler’s previously cited report, in translating the Laws of Cricket into French, coined the term `bayonet’, which gained him recognition from Académie française. The term derived from south-western French city of Bayonne, a city recognised for having an old cathedral, city walls and for its ham. Now, the French are known to enjoy jambon d’ york. That’s right: Yorkshire Ham, a ham associated with the English equivalent city of York, which also has a cathedral and city walls, but also lends its first four letters to the bowl known as the `yorker’. Hence what we call a yorker, the French call a bayonet.

Back to the cricket, Damazan’s 172, however, turned out to be too much. Erratics eventually all out for 148.

We headed back to the ranch (or Château Wright) to cap off the Tour, where we indulged in a delicious smoked salmon pasta à la Molins, which was accompanied with wines generously given by our opponents during the Tour. Fines master Jonathan then helped rid us our remaining Euros, including the not-at-all-harsh one Euro fine for requesting `un crème brûlée’ instead of the feminine `une crème brûlée’ at the previous night’s restaurant.

The final night gave a wonderful send-off to the Tour. And, on behalf of all tourists, Erratics’ Tour de France 2016 can only be described as `un succès incroyable’.

Damazan Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
19w 5b 2lb 
for 9 wickets
172 (35.0 overs)

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ben Youngman7.005300.007.57
Mark Hailwood7.0023211.503.29
Matt Cook7.001929.502.71
Danny Williamson7.0037218.505.29
Martin Weiler3.002100.007.00
Penny Price4.001234.003.00

Erratics Cricket Club Erratics Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
10w 6lb 
for 10 wickets
Paul Molins Bowled  9 2
Danny Williamson Caught  0 2
Matt Cook Stumped  59 8 1 2
Martin Wright Bowled  50 6 1
Jonathan Kirby Bowled  4
Daniel Thistlethwaite Caught  2
Martin Weiler Bowled  0
Mark Hailwood Run out  2
Andrew Forrester Lbw  4 1 1 1
Ben Youngman Bowled  1
Penny Price Not Out  1

Damazan Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.